You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
