garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have fence marks all over my body
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
