The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
