Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
