You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
