my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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