You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
