Will you blow on my dice?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
