I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
