Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
