Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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