You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
