I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
