btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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