why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
