I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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