I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
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