The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
