is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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