Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My vagina just recognized that song.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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