Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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