She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
