who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
