Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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