somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
