You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
