you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
