I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
