I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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