Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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