Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
