I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
