I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I don't deserve a penis
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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