To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
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