she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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