i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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