this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
