Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
