Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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