He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
