i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
