She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
