you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
