Pappa wants mamma naked
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
