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I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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