It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
