And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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