the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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