I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
