Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
