i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
