Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
