hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
