He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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