WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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