I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
