Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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