Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
