Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
