Im at strip club and am horny
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
